Basic Instinct 2: Here comes the vagina!!!

Perhaps you haven't heard yet, but there's a sequel to that mega-hot strokefest from the 90's, Basic Instinct, on the way.

Sharon Stone reprises her role as a woman who kills people by showing her vagina at them. Michael Douglas isn't in the sequel, ostensibly because he figured out that his nude form probably doesn't sell movie tickets anymore. And no sign of Chubby Cop, Douglas's buddy from the first film. Perhaps the script explains how Stone's character killed Chubby Cop with her vagina.
I don't know.

The new cop in the movie looks like Somebody's Dad has wandered into a Cinemax movie and has been swept up by all the mystery, intrigue and simulated sex. And boy oh boy, doesn't that sex look simulated?!? For one of those positions to work, that guy had to be fucking Sharon stone in her spine-hole. I didn't even know that she HAD a spine-hole. Or maybe his dick is shaped like the letter "V" and the only way that he can achieve penetration is by lining himself up directly behind his partner. Maybe the script explains that.
I don't know.

His only line in the trailer is "This is all pretty fucked up" and I am inclined to agree with him.

But the trailer does its best to tittilate and interest you. Sharons wobbly, post-menopausal boobs appear in the third or fourth shot and then make frequent other appearances, as if she's a drunk sorority girl who can't tell that her breasts are hanging out. Looks like she kisses some hot brunette too. And I am sad to say that even playing the "I might be a hot ass lesbo" card failed to garner my libido's interest. Nor did the frequent jump cuts of Stone rutting with Somebody's Dad in a multitude of locations, positions. Even Hot Burnette Girlfriend gets in on the action. I am sure that he gave both of their spine-holes a proper porking.

The whole thing is sort of seedy and boring and about as subtle as your best friends mom sticking her hand down your pants while she drives you home from soccer practice. All indications are, "Hey, this is sexy, sexy, sexy." but something cold and brutal and honest in your chest says, "Nope, this is an act of desperation." And desperation just doesn't arouse me. (I understand that it does do the trick for some pedophiles, rapists and Republicans. But they're all sick in the head, so their opinion doesn't count.)

Poor Sharon Stone, still trying to sell us on the whole "I'm a sex symbold, goddammit" angle, ten years after that stopped being relevant. I guess she's tired of playing "Anguished Wife" which seems to be her latest career move.

The most telling shot in the trailer is mid way through the trailer. Stone is relaxing on what appears to be the set of some Marshall Fields catalogue shoot, all hard wood and old furniture, wearing only a see-thru mesh lingerie sort of thing. The shot tracks up her legs and settles in comfortably on her barely contained vagina, before trailing up her torso to her face, where she is quietly contemplating how inevitable that shot is. A quick beaver flash worked for you in the 90's. So, this will work for you still, right?

Wrong.

But thanks for trying to resell to us, something that we bought ten years ago...

Enough rant from me. Check out Sharon Stone and the Vagina of Fire, trailer at the following link. Be forewarned, there's all manner of rutting, squeeling and tits all over the place, in this trailer. Needless to say, it is not, work-safe.

Here it is.

Blech.

COB out...